Santa Claus was awakened from his offseason hiatus by an overload of joy coming from #packernation earlier today. The love and goodwill coming from Packers fans peaked with the signing of Jordy Nelson and set off his Christmas bells, causing Kris Kringle to think he had missed Christmas.
“We loaded the sleigh and got here in record time.” said Kringle, mopping his forehead with his tasseled hat and sipping on a cup of eggnog. “We have filters for Packers training camp but the signing of Jordy Nelson spiked the Joymeter about 3.2 kilojoys beyond anything we’ve seen since Wal Mart sent free Cabbage Patch Kids to inner city LosAngeles in 1986. We’ll re-calibrate but suffice it to say…you Packers fans gave me a scare! Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho” Continue reading
So the Competition Committee changed some rules this year. One of the ones that drew the most attention was when the NFL banned the use of non-standard helmets. The Cheese had some fun with that, citing what helmets were considered non-standard (CLICK here to read: NFL To Ban Unconventional Helmets) and asking if perhaps the NFL would ban non-standard athletic cups as well.
While the last thing teams need heading into training camp is confusion over rules and equipment…well…the questions keep rolling in…:) Continue reading
A local man died yesterday of apparent spontaneous combustion in his excitement for Packers training camp. In a rare photograph, Bernie Sessleblunt of Ashwaubenon was captured mid flame-out as his excitement finally consumed him.
“I should have seen it coming.” said Sessleblunt’s wife Agnes, who blames herself for not reading the writing on the wall. “He is always excited but this time was worse than ever. On Monday his Packers Plus burst into flames in his hands. And I walked into his man-cave while he was watching a news report about training camp and it had to be like 97 degrees in there…but the air conditioner was still on.” Continue reading
The Vikings latest free-agent acquisition held a press conference today in which he expressed his feelings after signing a 5 year, 23 Million dollar deal with the Vikings. Renny Hottentot, a sugar glider out of Scrambling State University is known for his ferocity and ability to fly to the ball. Continue reading
Niners festivities in closing out Candlestick park so successful that Niners decide to become a flag football team.
— The Cheese (@cheesenewswire) July 14, 2014
Members of the NFC North are gearing up for the coming NFL season by practicing the dances they have adopted as their own calling card. Here are the best known ones. Continue reading